This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
There r osticjed everywhere
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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