ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Sex on roller skates
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.