at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
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this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
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Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.