you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
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I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
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I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam