That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
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I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
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I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.