Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I didn't notice because vodka
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
