I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
