i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
