I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
