I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
