Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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