Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
