I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
