So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
