The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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