wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Randomize
