I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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