i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
