Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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