Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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