While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
