Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Dignity is for republicans.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm having to shit out rocks
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