the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
