I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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