im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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