Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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