Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
