My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
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I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
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You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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