thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
