You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
3pm strippers are depressing
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
