Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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