remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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