Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
