it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize