He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
