I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
