I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
