i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
