I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize