before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
