He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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