My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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