I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I puked a lego.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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