He is such a slut. More and more my type.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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