I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
