It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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