I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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