so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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