I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
