why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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