Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
