What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
