wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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