I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Damn victory sex feels great
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
