i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
