every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
