Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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