My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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