ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
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She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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