I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
