apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
