is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
