"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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