I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
