i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
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