you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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