Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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