i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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