Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Alive.
So much puke
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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