jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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